Ketika kesempurnaan adalah sebuah tujuan,
Ketika kata yang didengar bukanlah kebenaran yang dicari,
Ketika keadaan tak pernah sejalan dengan keinginan,
Ketika yang ada tidak sebanding dengan yang tiada.
Ketika ‘lebih’ masihlah kurang,
Ketika ‘pintar’ masihlah bodoh,
Ketika ‘kaya’ masihlah miskin,
Ketika ‘kuat’ masihlah rapuh.
Ketika prinsip bukanlah apa yang diyakini, tetapi apa yang disenangi,
Ketika hanya mengejar sebuah ilusi, tetapi mengabaikan apa yang nyata.
Ketika keinginan lebih penting dibandingkan kebutuhan,
Ketika dunia lebih penting dibandingkan akhirat,
Ketika hidup lebih penting dibandingkan mati.
Ketika waktu hanyalah sebuah satuan dan bukan acuan,
Ketika kematian selalu diabaikan, walau ia selalu hadir dalam bayang hidup.
Ketika ‘orang lain’ adalah sesuatu yang paling dicari,
Ketika ‘orangtua’ adalah sesuatu yang paling dibantah.
Ketika hanya dusta yang didengar,
Ketika hanya khianat yang dikerjakan,
Ketika hanya nafsu yang diutamakan.
Ketika hanya memprioritaskan masa depan, walau tahu bahwa hanya ketidakpastian yang ada,
Ketika sekarang selalu diabaikan kemudian disesali, walau tahu waktu tak dapat diulang kembali.
Ketika membenci apa yang tak dimengerti,
melupakan apa yang tak penting,
mencemooh apa yang tak sama,
dan menakuti apa yang tak diketahui.
Ketika hidup hanya menjadi hidup,
dan ketika manusia…
…hanya menjadi manusia.
okay so we know about jesus when he’s a baby, and jesus when he’s an adult, but does the bible ever mention his rebellious teenager years?
‘jesus, go feed the donkey.’
‘yOU’RE NOT MY REAL FATHER’
the ground shakes a little, and a voice comes down from the sky
‘do what your stepfather says you little shit’
i hate that most zombie movies are written from a perspective universe where there is no zombie lore. i want a zombie move written from the perspective of our universe where everyone knows what a zombie is and everyone tries to figure out what kind of zombies they’re dealing with.
there’s one neckbeard in the group that carries a machete and won’t stop quoting the zombie survival guide
The number of “get me out of here” tactics women have developed and shared to help each other escape from overly-insistent-to-borderline-predatory dudes in public places should probably be enough evidence of the existence of rape culture all on its own.
I especially like how, in the majority of cases, you don’t have to verbally communicate what your signals are to other women. I’ve had women I didn’t even know come save me. Literally every woman recognizes the “Dear god, help me” facial expression, and knows exactly what they should do. We don’t get a handbook for this. We don’t have a sit-down nail polish party where we talk about a standardized woman code for preventing creepers. It’s just part of being a woman.
BUT LOL RAPE CULTURE DOESN’T EXIST.
Yup. I’ve definitely taken strangers by the arm and pulled her aside to go, “Oh my GOD it’s you! How ARE YOU?!? It’s been so long!” and then been like “hey I could overhear that guy who wouldn’t leave you alone so I figured I’d give you an out” and then see their VISIBLY RELIEVED expressions. This is part of girl code, because rape culture is that pervasive.
I once had a girl sit on my lap and say “hey baby” after she witnessed a guy (who was easily 20+ years older than me) hitting on me and harassing me for my number even after I told him I was taken. After he got up and left she asked if I was okay. I couldn’t thank her enough times, I even bought her a drink.
We have done this. In fact, we are this. Because we are asexual and we don’t like alcohol so we never drink, we have gone with friends to parties/places where our sole job was to keep an eye out for everyone and be the permanent ‘aggressive man-sheild.’ Not one of our female friends has ever questioned this or found it all strange. In fact, often once they realized we were willing to do it, it would be pre-arranged. Every guy friend we ever did this in front of or tried to explain to looked flabbergasted. They had no idea that this was a) an intentional thing, b) a planned ahead thing, or c) universal.
Rape culture is the fact that every woman understands this. Male privilege is the fact that no guy on earth seems to know or understand.
I’ve been asked to pretend to be my friend’s girlfriend every time we go out at night, just because she wears clothes that show off her curves and guys won’t leave her alone. They only back off when I put my arm around her and act as if we’re together romantically, and sometimes not even then.
i once ran interference for a friend, only to receive the unwanted advances myself. he wouldn’t back off until my (male) friend literally wrapped me up in his arms and acted as if he was my S.O.
It happens online too. A guy I know started Facebook-stalking me after a recent interaction, and my roommate immediately got on Facebook and told him she was my girlfriend. He thankfully backed off after that.
I can’t count the number of times I have pretended to be somebody’s girlfriend or sister in a bar when a guy wouldn’t leave her alone. Both with friends and strangers.
After reading these, I feel like taking a shower. Because I’m the designated driver pretty much every time, not being a big fan of alcohol, but I rarely, if ever, intervene. And yeah, I’m small and pretty physically weak, but I could put my foot down verbally if it came down to it. I’m just too scared.
You’re probably scared of confronting the guys. And you should be. That’s what this whole post is about. Rape culture is so prevalent and socially accepted as the rule of the land that if someone confronts a guy and tells him directly to back off, someone is getting hurt. That’s why all of the testimonies here are examples of how to deflect. How women all learn methods of pulling a woman away from a situation with a guy who isn’t allowing her to say no, by making up some lie that will get the guy to let her go without sending him into a rage and deciding to teach you both a lesson about knowing your place and submitting to rape culture. Men are dangerous in these situations because all of society backs them up as just a nice guy who deserves a chance, and vilifies any woman who refuses to give him a chance. Women are not allowed to say no. So other women have to rescue the women saying no and pull them away with some made up excuse. Otherwise the situation will escalate and the ones who get hurt are always the women.
Women absolutely have to learn rescue tactics for each other, but it’s kind of funny how we describe really obvious facial expressions and body language as “secret signals.” The reality is that women telegraph disinterest in these aggressive men, making it super obvious, but men choose to ignore it. Total strangers who are just sitting nearby or happen to glance their way will be able to see that the woman isn’t interested, but the guy making the advances is somehow oblivious? Unlikely.
And perceived physical power of the woman doesn’t matter either, I have had to do this for other rollergirls. Even after bouts where they are bruised, sweaty, and partying with a bunch of other built women in the same jersey.